Perfect Birth, Part One: This Doula’s Perspective

I attended a perfect birth yesterday.

I mean it. It was everything the couple I was working with had ever dreamed of.

I texted my husband to tell him I’d be home soon, and he responded, “Congrats!” – referring to the great birth. Suddenly, after 5 years in the business, I had a revelation that rather shook me:

I couldn’t take credit.

It’s true. I did the same things I always do. I applied essential oils. I gauged my client’s need for touch vs. space. I helped her change positions, and I coached her husband to ensure that he would be the person she remembered supporting her the most. And there it was: the perfect birth.

What struck me was this question:

Why, among all of the couples I work with, who follow and implement the same “formula” that I offer, do some couples have a “perfect” birth, while others don’t?

I know some might say it’s all about the right doctor, or the right birth plan, or even – let’s be honest – the right doula. But if that were the case, then why have I seen such vastly different births among healthy women who have the same doctors, the same hospitals, and the same birth plans?

Could it go beyond Clary Sage and Pelvic Tilts?

I once read a fellow doula’s comment on a social networking site that read, “Well , you can’t win them all . . .”

We all knew what it meant. Lots of other doulas on the page even “liked” it, presumably out of pity. She clearly had attended an ‘imperfect’ birth, and she felt like a failure. As if the brand new life she had witnessed emerging was somehow less because of how it had entered into the world. Or, more accurately (and sadly), as if it was a loss.

What if there’s more to it than that? What if we are muddying the waters in an already beautiful journey by always aiming, either inwardly or outwardly, for that ‘perfect’ outcome; by calling ‘imperfect’ birth a loss when it is obviously a valiant and triumphant win? What if we are stirring the pot of disappointment and depression when we should be aiming for balance and gratitude?

Every birth is a win. Every birth is perfect.

I’ve fought hard in the past to protect my clients from the aftermath of a disappointing birthing experience. In my humblest opinion, I work harder than most to set realistic expectations and to help train hearts—along with minds—to be prepared for whatever is to come.

But am I, as a doula, willing to admit that my worth is not wrapped up in the outcome of a birth, any more than a mother’s should be? Am I willing to see an imperfect birth as its own brand of perfection, without second-guessing my own work?

The perfect birth I attended yesterday wasn’t more. And neither am I.

I’m good at my job. I like what I do, and I know that my presence and skills can bring great comfort and guidance to expectant parents. But I have to be willing to admit that imperfect births aren’t shameful. Not for the mother, which I already knew, but not for me, either. With this new revelation, I am even more free. I can love more fully and offer more of myself, knowing that my presence matters, but probably not in the ways that I think. My support can be truly unconditional, and I can come alongside new parents to celebrate every birth – no matter what it looks like – as a victory.

That is what a perfect birth looks like.

Jennifer DeBrito, CSP, CCLD, CCBE is a Master Splankna Practitioner, Doula, and Childbirth Educator in Colorado Springs. She is the author of Expectant Parents Workshop: Devotional, and the creator of the Expectant Parents Workshop childbirth preparation class. Jennifer was the 3-time doula to Suzanne Hadley Gosselin (esteemed author of Expectant Parentsa pregnancy/childbirth/parenting book by Focus on the Family). In addition to coaching expectant parents toward a Christ-centered childbirth, Jennifer also specializes in prenatal and postpartum wellness coaching and Splankna Therapy Colorado Springs. Jennifer is a featured blogger for To learn more about Jennifer, go to


The Birth Story of Clark (2nd Child, VBAC)

I had the honor of being invited back to be Chris and Karin’s doula again, for the birth of their second child. Karin and I had stayed in touch since Elaina’s birth, taking our daughters out for occasional play dates at the park or library, so the second time around felt more like catching up with friends than business. They had moved into their new house, which Karin has decorated with a perfected, modernized, shabby chic style. I always tell her she needs to come help me with my own house. (Or maybe I just think it.)

As we sat in their comfy new home, we went over the new materials that had been written after Elaina was born. The devotional brought up a few questions for Karin that led to some challenging, soul-searching conversations. “Why is a natural birth so important to me?” she asked me during one meeting. “Why am I doing this?” I remember thinking, “OK God, keep stirring her.” I responded, “You tell me.”

I do hold a certain disdain for the current culture of childbirth. The culture I’m referring to is the “let’s-all-compete-with-our-friends-to-see-who-can-be-more-crunchy.” Or “let’s-compare-whose-birth-was-more-natural.” The devotional covers a lot of this and works on revealing the motive behind these kinds of mentalities. I wrote it because I’m concerned about the level of depression I see in mothers whose children were born via life-saving medical procedures. The opportunity for their baby’s safe delivery, which would bring rejoicing in third-world countries, often brings disappointment (even to the point of requiring therapy) in ours. Why?

That’s what Karin was asking. Why.

Prior to Elaina’s birth, we had discussed this topic. Of course we both agreed with the statistics, which clearly show that the more natural a baby’s birth, the easier everything else will be (such as healing time, breastfeeding, etc.) She also offered up the honest desire to just know what childbirth is like. To experience it. When Elaina was born via C-Section, Karin experienced firsthand what I had been trying to explain to her about the work it takes to turn the disappointment of her experience into gratitude.

With the birth of Clark approaching, the time Karin spent with God in the devotional, and the tears that were shed while asking Him “Why?” were therapeutic and strengthening for her. At one point a few weeks before Clark’s birthday, she shared with me that God had responded to her seeking with this statement: “I KNOW.” Karin explained to me how all-encompassing His words to her were; how He was expressing to her both His understanding of her disappointment and fears, as well as His encouragement for the outcome of Clark’s birth. There is nothing – nothing – that is outside of his awareness. He KNEW how things would turn out. She didn’t need to worry.

Karin was finally able to give her concerns and her motives, whatever they were, to Him, knowing that it mattered to Him. He didn’t judge her for grappling with them; He just loved her and continued to assure her that He understood.

Isn’t that all any of us need? To be understood?

On July 2, 2014, Karin had a doctor’s appointment. She was two days past her due date and Karin’s doctor wasn’t thrilled with the idea of waiting any longer. This particular OB has always had a fun, disarming way with words, and when she chose the word “gnarly” to describe the look of the overdue placenta, Karin knew she had some decisions to make. Having dealt with her concerns about interventions, she felt the peace of God as she entered into what might have otherwise thrown her into (unwarranted) feelings of manipulation or failure. She knew that God knew that this would happen, and moved forward with confidence.

At 1:45, Karin and Chris arrived at the hospital, and at 2:30, they were admitted to their room. At 2:50, Pitocin was started. Within the next hour, contractions had started and increased to about 3 minutes apart. We made it through one full “1-hour routine” complete with 2 potty breaks. Chris was a pro; calm and caring and present with her. (I thought it was sweet when she shared with me that she had asked him to let his facial hair grow a little for the occasion, because she liked how it made him look.) As before, the two worked beautifully together as a team.

Around 5:00, Karin started having the urge to push. Labor had gotten intense and seemed to be moving right along, but it wasn’t time for that yet. Karin had to work really hard to keep from pushing, but she didn’t panic. We had done this before with Elaina, so we weren’t surprised. We had even discussed what we would do, should it happen again. Karin kept her wits about her as she panted, “blew out the candle,” and imagined Elaina singing, “This little light of mine.” The determination in her face as she dug deep and held on was amazing to witness. Then, at one point, she even cracked a joke to Chris about it, mimicking Elaina’s voice as she said, “I’m pushing, I’m pushing!”

After lying on her side for nearly an hour and using all of her strength not to push, Karin made a wise decision. She looked me in the eye and said, “This is what we talked about.” She chose to get an epidural so that her body would stop trying to push (we had learned in Elaina’s birth that this would work for her). At 6:15, the epidural was placed. At 6:40, Chris went out of the room to eat, and at 7:15 I stepped out for a quick break.

At 8:00, Karin’s cervix had reached 10 cm. The baby still needed to come down a bit, so Karin made sure to change positions in bed to help Clark do his job of moving down. She and Chris shared with me an interesting section in A.W. Tozier’s The Knowledge of the Holy, which had spoken to Karin regarding wisdom (and had thereby influenced her decision for the epidural). Once again, it was like I was just hanging out with friends. This bit of time was easy and relaxed; working with these two is not work at all.

At 8:40, Karin’s mom and sister arrived from Boulder, and at 9:00 Nurse Cindy told Karin it was OK to go ahead and start learning how to push. Dr. FE arrived around 9:40. Together, Karin and Dr. FE offered a vast array of fresh humor. Karin was full of funny comments, and Dr. FE was quick to join in the fun. They both had the whole room laughing. At 10:16, baby Clark was born. He had a healthy, strong cry as he was placed on Karin’s chest. Karin mentioned afterwards how “surreal” it was. This event she had spent so much time thinking about was already over; now she could move forward with being a mom again.

All the soul-searching and seeking that occurred before Clark was born led Karin to a deeper relationship with Christ, a deeper understanding of His unconditional love for her, and His constant presence with her. She didn’t look back at her experience asking, “What If?” She knew that THIS was her story and that it was beautiful, and she walked into becoming a mother of 2 with the full assurance of having walked in God’s plan for her.

Karin and Chris, thanks for inviting me to join you again. I love you guys! Karin, your passionate, searching heart is your most beautiful feature and is making you an amazing mother. Chris, your quiet understanding and patience, and your willingness to seek God alongside Karin is making you a great father. Elaina, the mere thought of you helped carry your mama through one of the most difficult experiences of her life. And baby Clark, God KNOWS you. He has known you and will know you and will forever be aware of your heart. He will understand you, even when you don’t. May the seeking and revelation that occurred while you were not yet born be imprinted upon you forever as Truth. May you always feel known by our living God, and may you always bring that light to others the way you did for your mother.

It is blessing to me to know all of you! Congratulations on your beautiful family.

With deep respect and affection,

Jennifer DeBrito, CCLD, CCBE is a Colorado Springs Doula and Childbirth Educator. She is the author of Expectant Parents Workshop: Devotional, and the creator of the Expectant Parents Workshop childbirth preparation class. Jennifer was the 3-time doula to Suzanne Hadley Gosselin (esteemed author of Expectant Parentsa pregnancy/childbirth/parenting book by Focus on the Family, releasing October 2014). In addition to coaching expectant parents toward a Christ-centered childbirth, Jennifer also specializes in prenatal and postpartum wellness coaching. Jennifer is also a featured blogger for To learn more about Jennifer, go to

The Birth Story of Charis (‘natural’ VBAC)

The Birth Story of Charis

I met with April and Andrew for the first time in spring of 2014. Andrew, who is active military, had recently learned that he was headed to Virginia for school in July. April, also active military, would be staying here. While the couple was hopeful that Andrew would be able to make it home for the birth of their baby girl, it wasn’t certain. They were therefore looking to hire a doula in hopes of ensuring support for April during what would hopefully be an unmedicated VBAC. April also explained that she has a rare blood clotting disorder, and that it had been responsible for a somewhat traumatic birth experience when their first child, Helena, was born.

April, Andrew and I had our first official meeting just before Andrew left for Virginia. Andrew is upbeat and alert (great traits for a birth partner). Unfortunately, he was in Virginia during our last two meetings, but he was good about reviewing the information I was covering with April from afar. He had purchased a Kindle version of the devotional, and was able to access all of the most crucial birthing information through his online access code to our materials. April also took time to catch him up on our meetings and the additional information we covered together from the study guide.

For our second and third meetings, April’s mom, Betty was there. It had been decided that she would also be present for the birth, so it simply made sense to invite her into the process. I enjoyed having her there; I found that her warm personality brought me a greater understanding of April. Their strong relationship was evident as we practiced labor positions, reviewed our ‘hourly plan,’ and laughed and prayed together. Our biggest prayer requests were for Andrew to be able to attend the birth, for April’s platelet count to be good, and that baby Charis would be healthy.

On the morning of October 30th, April texted me to tell me she had been having contractions. Betty had decided to spend the previous night at April and Andrew’s house, so she was there with April all morning and day. April’s dad, Steve, came by for a while, and left for Denver around 1:00 p.m. (It was around this time that Betty says April started ‘pacing,’ as contractions became more regular and intense.) Around 3:00, April texted me to tell me that her contractions were getting more frequent, but weren’t quite lasting a minute. I asked her to time them for the next hour, for a more objective understanding of her progress.

At 3:30, she texted to tell me that the app on her phone was averaging her contractions at 4 minutes apart. I gave her a call and told her I would try to be there within the hour, but cautioned that if she felt like she wanted to go in to the hospital without me, that she should. The doctors and her hematologist had already written orders for the specialized medicines she would need to be administered for the management of her clotting factors during birth, and I wanted to be sure there would be time. About 25 minutes later, she texted to tell me they were headed to the hospital.

I met them at the hospital shortly after Andrew arrived. I half-jokingly noted that he had somehow managed to beat me to the hospital, all the way from Virginia! He chuckled and added how good it had been of April to have ‘complied’ with his request to have the baby that day, so that his break from school would be as long as possible (since Veteran’s day was on its way). Of course we knew April had nothing to do with the timing; God did. He had most certainly heard our prayers.

Betty gave me an update as I set my belongings on the couch in the delivery room: April was 7 cm dilated upon arriving to the hospital! She told me that they had followed the hourly plan we had covered in our preparatory meetings while they had labored at home, and had done “Lots of ‘OK’” during contractions (also part of their training).  As we caught up with each other in the delivery room and waited for the nurses to do their required work, we even received the news that April’s platelets were at a plentiful 129! Arriving at 7 cm AND having plenty of platelets? God is so good.

April was in her hospital bed, and was far enough along in labor that she was no longer interested in moving or changing positions. She mentioned once or twice that she wanted an epidural, to which Betty and Andrew responded with the word, “Trust.” This was a word God had spoken to her during part of our training, and with that guidance, she was able to allow the idea of an epidural to slip away. April and Andrew immediately found their groove, as he stood with her hands in his, allowing her to pull against him during contractions. He was encouraging and positive, coaching her through each contraction and reassuring her that she was doing a great job.

At 6:00, about an hour after we had all gotten settled, April’s water broke when the doctor checked her cervix (9 cm!). Just a couple of contractions later, it was already time to start pushing. Betty had gone to get April’s scriptures that she had prepared for herself, and I recall being concerned that she might miss some of the excitement—but she did make it back in time. April just needed a little bit of time to learn how to push (which does often involve a bit of a learning curve). She was allowed to utilize a variety of positions, such as slightly side-lying, squatting, and then eventually, on her back. Andrew counted to ten and coached April as she pushed, with Betty and myself each holding a leg for April.

Baby Charis was born at exactly 7:30 p.m. on October 30th. It was a short, uncomplicated, pain medicine-free VBAC, with Andrew present. Charis was beautiful and healthy, weighing in at 6 lbs. 14 oz. and April was in excellent condition with no clotting issues whatsoever. Every prayer request had been boldly answered with a resounding “Yes” from God, who had told His child to simply “trust.”

Baby Charis, may you grow up knowing that you were brought into this world surrounded by a present and interactive God, who answers prayers and simply asks us to trust. May you continue to carry the faith your parents and Oma exhibited, and may you always believe that it’s never about odds or statistics, or even past experience, but about how God delights in fulfilling His promises to us – and how we can trust Him no matter what.

April and Andrew, thanks for inviting me into your birth experience. It is such an honor to have been part of such a personal and spirit-filled experience. Blessings on your family in the years (and locations) to come.

Jen DeBrito

Jennifer DeBrito, CSP, CCLD, CCBE is a Master Splankna Practitioner in Colorado Springs, Colorado Springs Doula, and Childbirth Educator. She is the author of Expectant Parents Workshop: Devotional, and the creator of the Expectant Parents Workshop childbirth preparation class. Jennifer was the 3-time doula to Suzanne Hadley Gosselin (esteemed author of Expectant Parentsa pregnancy/childbirth/parenting book by Focus on the Family, releasing October 2014). In addition to coaching expectant parents toward a Christ-centered childbirth, Jennifer also specializes in prenatal and postpartum wellness coaching. Jennifer is also a featured blogger for To learn more about Jennifer, go to

Recommended Reading: ‘Expectant Parents’ by Suzanne Hadley Gosselin

As a doula and birth educator, clients and acquaintances alike often ask me what pregnancy books I recommend (you know, besides What to Expect When You’re Expecting¹).

Normally, my answer is, “I don’t recommend anything. Stop reading, especially online.”

There are just so many books out there right now, both online and in stores, that I simply don’t like. Yes, there are informative books and articles that teach important things like when to call the doctor if your child has a fever. (Read those!) But the rest of it, at least it seems to me, is often just pride –or shame, or fear—inducing opinion.

Enter Focus on the Family’s new release, Expectant Parents: Preparing Together for the Journey of Parenthood by Suzanne Hadley Gosselin.

As a born-again Christian with lots of non-Christian friends, I had high hopes for this book to apply to. . . well. . . anyone. I am pleased to report that Expectant Parents is perhaps the best pregnancy book since What to Expect When You’re Expecting. Christians and non-Christians alike will be able to gain perspective and wisdom from this entertaining and enlightening piece. Never is it preachy or greater-than-thou. The message is freeing and uplifting, honest and real. Here’s what I walked away with:

1) My story is just one story.

This is the sentence with which Gosselin began (and she had me at “Hello!”). In a culture where everyone seems to argue about the ‘right’ way to go about pregnancy, childbirth, and parenting, I was thrilled to read the same message that I work so hard to impart on my own clients.

Suzanne’s opening message welcomes us unto the fact that never in this entire work, will she provoke shame or say how things “should be.” Instead, she proceeds to offer encouragement throughout the entire book to free ourselves from trying to walk anyone else’s path – and instead lean into finding what God’s story is for each of us.

2) I am still fully myself. I am also fully a mother.

Just to be clear, this book contains a well-balanced appeal to both men and women. And even though this particular message was directed at moms-to-be, it definitely offers insight for fathers, too. Too many of the materials already out there give the impression that when we have a child, we are taking on a whole new identity.

Instead, Gosselin covers the topics of identity, working, finances, the marriage relationship, coming to terms with our pasts, and giving ourselves grace, through example after example from real people—each of which offer a vivid picture of the many ways God grows us through having children. The reminder that we are just adding a new facet to ourselves – like a diamond gaining a new, extra-shiny cut—is incredibly refreshing (not to mention true!).

3) It’s worth it.

Through an upbeat, easy-to-read, almost magazine-style approach, Expectant Parents offers a humorous and encouraging look at the good, the bad, and the good again. Numerous tips and ideas are given not just for making it through struggles, but also for figuring out the practical stuff—as well as making life more fun. (Being a new parent can be fun? Imagine that!) Gosselin was thorough in including experts on every subject and offering a real look at how wonderful, and hard, and worth it becoming a parent will be.

Kudos to Suzanne Hadley Gosselin on putting forth such an encouraging and grace-filled look at how to prepare for the journey of parenthood as a couple. I highly recommend this work!

Want to order a copy? Click here

¹Murkoff and Mazel, What to Expect When You’re Expecting (New York: Workman Publishing Group, 2008).

Jennifer DeBrito, CCLD, CCBE is a Colorado Springs Doula and Childbirth Educator. She is the author of Expectant Parents Workshop: Devotional, and the creator of the Expectant Parents Workshop childbirth preparation class. Jennifer was the 3-time doula to Suzanne Hadley Gosselin (esteemed author of Expectant Parentsa pregnancy/childbirth/parenting book by Focus on the Family, releasing October 2014). In addition to coaching expectant parents toward a Christ-centered childbirth, Jennifer also specializes in prenatal and postpartum wellness coaching. Jennifer is also a featured blogger for To learn more about Jennifer, go to

Natural Childbirth: 3 Things You Didn’t Know Insurance Covers

Everyone knows that having a baby can be expensive. But really…How expensive, you ask? According to’s Baby Cost Calculator, the first year of a baby’s life (not including medical bills) is likely to run anywhere from $4,000-$10,000–or more! From fun purchases like nursery decor and baby clothing, to not-so-fun expenses like medical care and hospital stays, the cost of a baby adds up quickly. But here are few things even insured couples are paying out-of-pocket for that they don’t necessarily have to:

1) Childbirth Classes

Many insurance companies consider Childbirth Classes to fall under the realm of prenatal care. Classes can be located through your local hospitals, or a quick search online should help you locate a private class. (If you use a private educator, just make sure they are certified and teach from board-reviewed material like this.)

2) Midwives

While most insurance companies won’t cover home-birth midwives, many insurance companies have no problem at all with covering a Certified Nurse Midwife (CNM) who attends in-hospital births. If you are very natural-minded and want a midwife, but need insurance to pay for it, then look for an OB/GYN office with a CNM on staff. (It is also good to note that the current medical trend is leaning more toward the ‘mother-baby initiative.’ So even if you can’t find a CNM, chances are good you will still be able locate a natural-minded, supportive doctor.)

3) Doulas

Doulas are non-medical support persons who are helpful during labor for the emotional care of laboring mothers and their spouses (or birth partners) throughout their childbirth experience. Because a doula’s presence statistically tends to decrease the need for expensive medical intervention during labor, many insurance companies are willing to cover all or part of a doula’s fees. When interviewing doulas, ask if they have a Provider Identifier Number (PIN) that can be submitted for insurance.

To find out whether your insurance company/plan covers these services, it is important to actually call your insurance company and ask. (Few companies offer an exhaustive, printed list of all the services they cover.) Lastly, If your plan does not cover the services, don’t despair! HSA and FSA will often reimburse in part, or in full. A few quick phone calls to the right people, and savvy parents could potentially save thousands.

Jennifer DeBrito, CCLD, CCBE is a Colorado Springs Doula and Childbirth Educator. She is the author of Expectant Parents Workshop:Devotional, and the creator of the Expectant Parents Workshop childbirth preparation class. Jennifer was the 3-time doula to Suzanne Hadley Gosselin (esteemed author of Expectant Parents, a pregnancy/childbirth/parenting book by Focus on the Family, releasing October 2014). In addition to coaching expectant parents toward a Christ-centered childbirth, Jennifer also specializes in prenatal and postpartum wellness coaching. Jennifer is also a featured blogger for To learn more about Jennifer, go to

10 Easy Steps to the Best Doctor or Midwife

By Jennifer DeBrito, Colorado Springs Doula

A trusting relationship with your healthcare provider is perhaps the single most important factor that you can control in ensuring a positive childbirth experience for you and your family. So, how can you determine who will be the best fit for you? While many people choose their OB/GYN or CNM based on insurance coverage, proximity, or prior gynecological experiences, you may wish to include the additional considerations in your selective process:

1) Is their personality a fit for you? It doesn’t matter how ‘good’ a provider is at their job if your personalities clash and you can’t communicate well. Try this: List 5 words describing the kind of care you would hope to receive from your provider, as well as any other traits you would like them to possess (such as male or female, outgoing or quiet, etc.).  Keep those words in mind as you move into your search.

2) Are their beliefs a fit for you? List your preference for religious persuasion, as well as any beliefs that are important to you, such as nutritional concepts, and “how” you want your baby to be born. Add this to your list of preferences.

3) Word of mouth. What have been other people’s experiences with providers you are considering? Using the words on the list you created, you can now open it up to social media to see who is recommended.  Try to be specific about what you are looking for (such as, ‘I really want a natural-minded, female CNM with a patient and quiet demeanor in the delivery room’), and avoid being too general (as in, ‘Who likes their doctor?”). Online reviews are another great way to get a feel for a provider’s personality and style of care before you even meet them.

Keep in mind that all healthcare providers are likely to have a bad review or two. But if a provider consistently receives complaints about the same issues and concerns, consider it a red flag. Also, you may see complaints about things not important to you, which you certainly have the right to ignore if you desire.

4) Education and experience. Not all healthcare providers are created equal! While all physicians or CNM’s have been through rigorous testing and are required to meet a certain standard of care, you might also consider such things as where they attended school and how long ago. Keep in mind that sometimes the trade-off for years of experience can be a more old-fashioned view on childbirth (note that I said sometimes, not always). Another consideration is that a specialized degree in high-risk obstetrics would probably indicate that the provider is more focused on testing, statistics, and loss prevention and less on encouraging a ‘natural’ birth. (If you are more ‘natural’-minded, it can help to ask a provider about their current c-section rate). Take the time to think through the provider’s education and what it would likely mean for you. Then make your decision based on what is important to you.

5) On-call rotation. Unless a provider is part of a very large practice with multiple other providers, then it is likely that your doctor shares their on-call rotation with a few other practices. It is good to know ahead of time who your chosen provider shares call with, so that you can research the other practices and possibly even meet them.

6) Interview. This may sound a bit tedious, but it is amazing what can be revealed about the provider and their staff by simply stopping in for a quick little chat. Are they friendly? Punctual? Do they listen? Smile? Is their office clean and organized? How do you feel after leaving? Did they possess the traits you are looking for? Do you feel like they meet your criteria? Then go home and schedule a real appointment once you’re sure. It’s totally worth the 20 minutes.

Once you have chosen your provider and have started attending appointments, there are a few ongoing questions you should continue to consider:

7) How long are your appointments? Too long? Too short? Just right? Do the provider and their staff value your time, and make time for you in their day as well?

8) How is your relationship coming along? Are you growing more comfortable with your provider with each appointment? Do they sit down and talk to you like you are a real person, or do they treat you like just another part of their busy day?

9) Do you feel heard? Is the provider answering your questions and addressing your concerns, or do they just minimize them and move on?

10) Do you trust them? At the end of each appointment, ask yourself: do I trust that my provider is knowledgeable and capable? Do I believe that they care about me and will do what is best for me? If the answer to this is ever a ‘no,’ then perhaps they are no longer a good fit.

If, at any point during your pregnancy you should wish to find a different provider, it is totally within your rights to do so. It also bears noting, however, that it is also within the rights of a provider to opt not to bring you on as a new client—particularly if you are very close to delivery. By taking the time to do your research in the beginning, you will ensure that you are choosing a provider with staying power, whom you trust to work well with you in the delivery room, understand your values, and provide the amazing care you deserve.

This post was exerpted from the Expectant Parents Workshop Study Guide, written and used by Colorado Springs Doula Jennifer DeBrito in her Expectant Parents Workshop Childbirth Classes.

Jennifer DeBrito, CCLD, CCBE is a Colorado Springs Doula and Private Childbirth Educator. She is the author of Expectant Parents Workshop:Devotional, and the proud owner of Eden’s Promise, LLC. In addition to coaching expectant parents toward a Christ-centered childbirth, Jennifer also specializes in prenatal and postpartum wellness coaching. Jennifer is also a featured blogger for To learn more about Jennifer, go to

The Birth Story of Evan (First Child, Induction, epidural)

The Birth Story of Evan Russell Short

Born December 24, 2013 at 4:28 a.m.

            Evan Russell Short was a Christmas surprise. Born about a month early, he is a perfect example of the way that God can weave unexpected circumstances into healing, faith-building experiences.

When I met with Rachael and Daron for the first time on the patio at Starbucks, Evan was barely even a bump in Rachael’s belly. As they listened intently to my presentation, they made me think of a quote by Emily Bronte that says, “Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same.” They both seem to possess something in their character, a steadfastness or unassuming gentleness or patience or faith, that lends them a deep connection to one another. At least, that was my first impression of them, and now that I’ve known them a bit longer I still see it (although I still can’t quite put my finger on it).

Over the course of our three prenatal meetings in their (immaculate!) home, I eventually got used the knowing glances the two of them would sometimes share with each other as I spoke. I learned to take those looks as encouragement, knowing that their closeness would serve as a huge asset during childbirth, and that whatever they were exchanging looks about would hopefully serve as good conversation for them after I left.

We covered a lot of information in order to get the two of them prepared for childbirth. Ultimately, our focus was on seeing God’s hand in everything, from science to the deepest matters of our hearts. Neither of them asked a lot of questions. Instead, both offered a quiet acceptance of the information, along with nods of understanding. When asked directly, they were willing to share their thoughts, but for the most part, they were both just incredible listeners. As I spoke, I prayed for the Holy Spirit teach them wherever I was falling short. I believe God presented Himself in many ways throughout their preparation and childbirth experience.

One way the Spirit presented Himself was as their Guide and Comforter during Rachael’s prenatal appointments. While a mild disdain for needles is fairly common among many people, the severity of Rachael’s aversion to having her blood drawn was fairly acute. And, of course, blood draws are a routine part of prenatal appointments, so they found themselves dealing with the issue often. When they were discussing the topic of glucose testing with me, it was Darron’s unwavering support of Rachael that caught my attention; it was then that I realized how deeply protective and completely “on her side” he was on the matter. I found their side-by-side stance encouraging, but I did wonder how they would navigate the numerous tests offered and/or recommended by their doctor.

Together, they managed their way through it, by asking for prayer and seeking God’s discernment and strength. They carefully weighed the importance of each blood draw, and got through each of them one at a time. Every report of a successful ‘poke’ was proof to me that God was at work. Additionally, God provided them with His divine discernment regarding which tests to go through with, and which ones would be unnecessary for them. By standing together and seeking God’s guidance, Rachael and Daron handled the issue beautifully.

Another way that God’s hand was evident in their experience was with how Rachael’s water broke. Four days after our last prenatal meeting, as Rachael perused the childbirth book I had left with her, she learned about the different ways that the amniotic sac can rupture. After learning that it is sometimes just a slow trickle, she was able to identify when her own water broke the following morning. There was no way she would have suspected it otherwise, an entire month before her due date. But this little coincidence, which was truly a ‘nod from God,’ ensured that Rachael was in the hospital and in the care of excellent professionals when Evan was born. Without that little clue from God, who knows where Rachael would have been when she finally realized she was in labor. And considering how quickly her active labor progressed, God’s protective planning becomes particularly evident.

Rachael had always emailed before, so I knew something was up when my phone rang. It was the day before Christmas Eve, and I was standing outside watching my breath as my children played when I learned that Rachael’s water had broken. She had spent much of the day suspecting that this was the case based on what she had read the day before, and Dr. Baer had just confirmed it. She and Daron were headed to the hospital, struck by the sudden revelation that they were going to have a baby by Christmas!

I arrived at the hospital around 5:30 p.m. to find a very calm Rachael, despite the I.V. that had just been placed in her hand. I brought Daron some little sandwiches to snack on while we waited to find out what the plan was. We soon learned that Rachael was already dilated to 2 cm and her cervix was very soft, so all she needed was a little Pitocin. (Apparently, the back pain she had mentioned during our meeting a few days prior had actually been a symptom of very early labor. It is amazing how everyone truly is different!)

Of course, it took a while for the Pitocin to be administered, then even more time for it to kick in. We spent some time watching T.V. and just hanging out. We all ate some snacks, and they debated some about whether to put a post on Facebook now, or to wait until after the baby was born. (It was also somewhere around that time that they accidentally let Evan’s name slip—which I was pretty excited about.) We started trying out labor positions, even though Rachael wasn’t actually “in labor” yet. Rachael’s cheeks were flushed a pretty pink, and I figured that even if she didn’t realize things were happening, her body did—and we might as well help it along.

We had a couple of nurse changes occur over the next few hours, from nurse Jen to nurse Jan, and then back to nurse Jen again. The charge nurse, Julie, stepped in a couple of times, as well. All of them had to battle with the monitors, because we were changing positions and making it hard for them to read the baby’s heartbeat. They were each kind and understanding, and regardless of who we had, it was obvious that Rachael was in good hands.

At 8:30, the Pitocin dosage was increased again, to 10mu/hr. That was the one that did it. Rachael has a quiet strength to her countenance, and she did not change much in personality when the contractions came. She did, however, ask calmly about those “breaks” I had told her about that were supposed to come in between contractions. She wasn’t getting any of those. The nurse took that as a sign that she could turn the Pitocin off, which was now coupling with Rachael’s Oxytocin and causing one big contraction. Rachael labored the rest of the time on her own Oxytocin, but she still never really experienced the “waves” of contractions that she had been expecting. Instead, she was experiencing what is called “back labor,” a constant pain in the lower back caused by the baby being positioned up against the back of the pelvis.

At 10:00, the nurse checked Rachael and found her to be only 2 ½ cm dilated. The nurses were having a hard time monitoring the baby due to our frequent position changes, but we kept rotating through them, anyway. I applied some aromatherapy to Rachael’s feet, and later, her back, and also applied ‘grounding’ acupressure, in an effort to ease Rachael’s discomfort and help the baby to move down.

Around 11:15, nurse Jan came in to recommend the use of an internal monitor in order to get a continuous read on the baby’s heart rate. Feeling unsure about the implications of that particular intervention, Rachael and Daron prayed about it. As they prayed, a few questions came to mind for them to ask the nurse, and upon asking them, they were able to decide not to proceed with the monitor. God was so faithful to be present with them during that moment of decision!

At 12:00, Rachael learned that she was still only 3cm dilated. I reminded her that if labor had started on its own, chances were she would just now be coming into the hospital to find out if she was “in labor.” I was trying to help her to orient herself on the timeline I had previously explained to her, but she just stated plainly, “that’s not very encouraging.” I smiled and wondered, as we entered the morning of Christmas Eve, where Mary was when she was at 3 cm dilated with Jesus. Was she at the Inn yet? Or were they still outside of town? I didn’t share the thought, but now I rather wish I had. Perhaps Rachael would have appreciated the poetry of it, as I did.

Rachael and Daron continued our established routine. Hourly (or more frequent) potty breaks, meditating on scripture, prayer, and changing positions between hands & knees on the bed, sitting on the birthing ball, and slow dancing were all utilized as comfort and labor progression techniques. At 1:25, Rachael’s water broke a little more while she was on the birthing ball, which nurse Jen and I celebrated. We knew it indicated more change and more progress to come.

I mentioned before that Rachael had been experiencing an intense pain in her lower back. She described it as “searing” and “hot.” The constant pain, however, was still difficult to see for those of us supporting her. Rachael was inwardly focused as she tried to accept what she was feeling, even though she was finding no relief. It was her words alone that gave a clue as to how she was feeling; she was otherwise quite stoic. I gave her some peppermint and lemon whiffs, to try to boost her energy and spirits some, and nurse Jen got her a heating pad. Still, the pain was constant—and based on how quickly everything went next, I can only imagine how incredibly intense it must have been for her. In hindsight, the level of pain tolerance she exhibited was quite remarkable, as the entirety of her “active labor” and “transition” phases barely even totaled two hours long!

At 2:00 a.m. we learned that Rachael had progressed to 4 cm, a measurement I knew was disappointing for her to hear. To me, it signaled the official start of “active labor,” which I found encouraging. I kept hearing signs of the first—or was it the second?—“Pillar of Parturition,” which I had taught them about in our meetings. (These are words and attitudes that accompany certain progress points during labor, which indicate an upcoming release of pain-relieving, mood-enhancing endorphins). I truly felt that things would be speeding up soon—but I also know better than to make such promises. As someone who has experienced labor myself, I know that no “soon” is ever soon enough! I simply tried to remind Rachael and Daron that labor wouldn’t last forever.

Daron was incredible at supporting Rachael through labor. He was calm and comforting, remaining totally present as he massaged her back, prayed for her, and “danced” with her. He also got the task of untangling the monitor and IV cords down to an art! He made sure Rachael knew that they were in it together. It was difficult for him to coach her through contractions, because Rachael’s were presenting as a constant back pain, but he continued to apply warm pressure to her back, encourage her, and most importantly, listen to her. Daron never left her side, and never wavered as a source of support for her. As she leaned on him, he reminded her of who her true Source of Strength is. Together, they sought the Lord’s strength and together, I know they received it.

After that last cervical check, the plan was for Rachael to labor for another hour and half, and to be checked again at 3:30. At 2:30, she mentioned the idea of an epidural. While we had discussed previously that Rachael was open to whatever needed to happen during labor, it was also generally understood that the likelihood of Rachael requesting a needle of any kind was extremely low. I honestly went in expecting that she would not ask for an epidural, because of her fear of needles. Also, because many laboring women like to complain about wanting an epidural even though they don’t actually want one, I encouraged her to just get through one contraction at a time. Still, I felt for Rachael in that she simply was not getting any kind of break. For her, “one contraction at a time” probably sounded lot like “just keep enduring the unending pain.”

The next 30 minutes went very slowly. During that time, Rachael discussed with Daron that she really wanted to enjoy this amazing experience with him, and that she was serious about the epidural. Of course, Rachael herself could have pushed the button for the nurse at any time, but she didn’t. It is understandable that she needed support from her husband; she needed help making the decision because with an epidural comes a new set of unknowns. In Rachael’s case, she had never had the staunch desire for an “all-natural” birth, but as one of her supporters, it was still hard to know whether it was what she really wanted. (It’s always hard to tell.)

I could see that Daron was trying to weigh it carefully in his heart, not wanting to agree too early or too late. While that was occurring, I tried to distract Rachael with more position changes, and even prayer. I prayed for God to provide Rachael with a sense of peace, and some relief from the pain. I believe the Spirit provided these things immediately, by simply confirming for Daron the truth of Rachael’s request. Finally, with his arms around her as she leaned on his chest, he looked at me and said, “I honestly think she means it. For her to ask for a needle…”

Nurse Jen came in just as I was walking out to get her. I quickly explained Rachael’s decision about the epidural. Due to my previous experiences with other nurses, I had assumed that a cervical check would have to take place first, and I was trying to get Rachael to that 3:30 goal in hopes of getting her the most encouraging measurement possible. (Often times, just knowing whether or not they have progressed any further helps women to decide for sure about an epidural, and I have seen them change their mind upon learning they were close to delivery—which I had a feeling Rachael was. And it’s my job to make sure she’s sure!) Nurse Jen said that no cervical check was necessary, but offered it to Rachael anyway. It was when Rachael refused the cervical check that I finally believed she was sure about the epidural. And as long as she was sure, then so was I.

I left the room at 3:15 so that the epidural could be placed. At 3:45, I re-entered the room to learn that immediately after the placement, Rachael’s water had broken the rest of the way with a great big gush, possibly due to the relief of the epidural allowing Rachael to relax. They had experienced a little scare with the baby’s heart rate dropping from that huge change in his environment, so there were lots of nurses in the room. Rachael was wearing an oxygen mask, but everything was fine. I asked if she was feeling any better yet, and she breathed a relieved and emphatic, “Yes!” Nurse Jen informed me that Rachael was ready to push except for a little lip in her cervix. Praise God for that HUGE development! The nurses were still watching the baby’s heart rate closely, so we rolled Rachael to her left side until it was time to push.

At 4:00, it was time. Rachael did an amazing job of figuring out how to push. Nurse Jen did end up talking Rachael into letting her go get a mirror, but I don’t know if Rachael ever used it. I do know she hadn’t necessarily wanted to. Daron was incredible at counting with her, standing at her left side and helping her to make the most of every contraction.

Dr. B* arrived just in time for delivery. He was in a serious state due to his concern about the baby’s heart rate, which was continuing to drop after each contraction. Understanding the urgency of getting the baby out quickly, I tried to remain quiet to ensure that Dr. B’s instructions would be heard. He was very clear and direct, and Rachael was quick to comply. At 4:28 a.m. on Christmas Eve, Evan Russell Short was born!

Daron and Rachael were both filled with such obvious awe and wonder at the sight of their baby boy. Evan’s first cries filled the room, bringing forth tears of joy from both of his parents (and their doula). He was placed on Rachael’s stomach and Dr. Baer waited for the cord to stop pulsing before clamping it. A couple of minutes later, Daron was given the honor of cutting it. Because Evan had scared them a bit before delivery, he was taken to the warming bed for a quick exam. Dr. Baer reminded Daron that he should probably be taking pictures, since they wouldn’t be doing any of this again tomorrow. His dry humor broke the haze of amazement, and Daron jumped to action.

It was only a matter of minutes before everyone in the room had finished their job, cleaned up, and left. It struck me as I watched them finish up, how very good they all are at what they do. Imagine the combined years of education and experience that had just filled that room. Praise God for every single one of those people! May none of them be taken for granted, and may the acceptance of their incredible care never be viewed as personal weakness or failure. How blessed we are to live in this time and place. God’s hand was on each of those people that morning as they ensured the safe delivery and follow-up care of baby Evan and his Mommy.

Later, Rachael mused about how apparently, she is pretty much over her fear of needles. She recounted how in the hospital, her I.V. placement had been “messy,” and then she had gotten an epidural—and how neither one bothered her. We talked about how God’s timing for Evan’s birth played a huge role in that, bringing him early so that Rachael wouldn’t have time to think too much into it and psyche herself out. God had walked her through the baby steps of routine blood draws, given her exactly what she needed to know (when her water broke), and then hoisted her right through to the other side of both childbirth and her fear of needles!

To be crippled by a fear of any kind is a form a bondage from the enemy. And I believe that on the day Rachael delivered Evan, God delivered her. Rachael, can you see how the fact that you got an epidural is greater proof of God’s provision and care for you, than if you had gone without? Daron, can you see how God confided in you, confirming His plan for Rachael in your heart? This is wisdom, this is discernment: to seek God’s hand in everything. Do not discount this amazing show of God’s presence in your experience! He coached you through every single step of your childbirth experience, bringing you a healthy baby boy an entire month early. And weaving the experience with perfect sovereignty, He even threw in the bonus of severing the grip of fear that the enemy had over you! What an amazing testimony!

Baby Evan, your birth brought the searing heat of faith-filled courage to your mother’s spine. May you grow up in the knowledge that as long as you trust in the Lord and seek His hand in everything, He will weave together amazing feats of healing and courage and wonder, giving exactly what you need, when you need it—just like He did for your parents on the day you were born. It was a pleasure to know your mom and dad as they planned for your birth, and to witness the joy and amazement they feel because of you. Evan, they have loved you since before you ever “did” anything. They love you because you are you. May you always know their heart for you, as well as God’s.

Rachael and Daron, thank you for allowing me to be a part of your birthing experience. Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to peek in on your glimpses of God! I cannot explain to you how just being there with you has refreshed my vision of our Mighty Savior. If it is true that with any good deed there is an angle, well, then that is mine. Thank you, and God bless your family!

To God Be The Glory,

Jen DeBrito

*Name changed

Jennifer DeBrito, CCLD, CCBE is a Doula and Childbirth Educator in Colorado Springs. She is the author of Expectant Parents Workshop: Devotional. In addition to coaching expectant parents through Christ-centered childbirth, Jennifer also offers prenatal and postpartum wellness coaching for the entire family