Perfect Birth, Part 2: It’s Personal

A couple of weeks ago, I shared my heart about an issue that I know plagues expectant mothers everywhere: what does it take to have a perfect birth?

I touched on the fact that while childbirth education is imperative, and support during labor is helpful, we still don’t know how any woman will react to the labor process until she is already in the moment. I made the point that all births, no matter what they look like, are victories to be celebrated. And I mean that. All births are their own brand of perfect. But sometimes, for some women, the truth is this:

Even perfect birth can be traumatic.

I would be foolish not to acknowledge that some women have frightening or even life-threatening births and are forced to come to terms with their experience. For one reason or another, the process simply doesn’t “work” in some situations. For some of these women, my testimony about my disappointing birth experience and my injured feelings of self-worth might be exactly what they need. But for others, well… maybe not so much.

Beyond our physical, emotional, and spiritual bodies, we are each also composed of our own complicated list of experiences. We have a mind, which we discuss in class, but we also have a subconscious mind, which we couldn’t even begin to cover: immature in its ability to make sense of our experiences, and endlessly vulnerable to the hoaxes of the enemy (again: see the Devotional). Working quietly behind the scenes, beneath our cool, collected exterior, it shapes our reactions to every one of our life experiences.

It’s personal.

In the five years since starting my childbirth services company, I have had no choice but to grow as an individual. I have been brought to my knees by some of my own life experiences. Shaken to the core of my beliefs. The shaping of my character as an adult has been arduous, and I have fought hard to find—and hold on to—what is true. In the process, I have also come to see some of that which is not.

I have learned something very important: We are each fighting our own battles. Maybe that sounds cliché, but this is relevant in all areas of life – including the quest for a great birth. For me to come alongside a woman and preach “worth,” when her own personal life experiences have shaped her to need a message of “safety” (for example), would mean that I have missed her altogether.

But how can I help? How do I know what someone needs, when it is beyond their own understanding? How do I discern the tune of their song, unless they themselves can sing it to me?

It’s possible.

The message I offer in my classes about worth and birth idolatry and relationship problems is—in all humility—good. It is quality stuff, and I will continue to teach it. But if I am to partner with God in caring for souls, then I must work from the heart with all of the skill allotted to me. There is more I can offer on an individual basis, seeking hearts and re-adjoining them to God’s in a way that is so much bigger, so much more personal, than the quest for the perfect birth.

It’s time to integrate more. Eden’s Promise is ready to offer you – each mother, father, and child- more than I ever dreamed possible. Click here to find out more!

Jennifer DeBrito, CSP, CCLD, CCBE is a Master Splankna Practitioner  Colorado Springs Doula and Childbirth Educator.She is the author of Expectant Parents Workshop: Devotional, and the creator of the Expectant Parents Workshop childbirth preparation class. Jennifer was the 3-time doula to Suzanne Hadley Gosselin (esteemed author of Expectant Parentsa pregnancy/childbirth/parenting book by Focus on the Family). In addition to coaching expectant parents toward a Christ-centered childbirth, Jennifer also specializes in prenatal and postpartum wellness coaching and Splankna Therapy Colorado Springs. Jennifer is a featured blogger for My719Moms.com. To learn more about Jennifer, go to EdensPromiseLLC.com.

Ask the Doula: How to Beat Workplace Germs During Pregnancy

Dear Jen,

Typically, I avoid most sicknesses throughout the year, and I can’t remember the last time I took a sick day, but do you have any advice going into cold and flu season?

-Teaching and Pregnant

Dear Teaching and Pregnant,

Yes, I do have a few easy tips to help you to stay healthy in the midst of all the students (or any workplace, really). In addition to the obvious non-negotiables (like washing your hands frequently with soap and water, drinking plenty of water, and getting plenty of rest), I’d probably include the following:

1) An essential oil mist for your work & home environments. Depending on what scents you like, some of the ones that are particularly associated with being effective against airborne bacteria/viruses are cinnamon, eucalyptus, and lemon. Lavender is also included in this list.

Normally, to diffuse an essential oil, you would put a few drops in water and warm it slowly over a tea light candle. In the workplace, this probably won’t fly. If you feel like dropping a hundred bucks or so on a  little steam diffuser, which mixes the essential oils with water and sprays a fine mist into the air without using heat or fire (but does need to be plugged in), do it! This is actually the best way to diffuse oils, because the molecules will be the smallest–thus keeping them suspended in the air the longest. Otherwise, I think a room spray would be just fine. One brand that comes to mind is Zum Mist, available at Whole Foods, Sprouts, and Natural Grocers (support local businesses whenever possible). And of course, there’s always good ol’ doTerra.

If you have a few essential oils in the house already and want to try making your own spray, it’s insanely easy. Sprayer bottles can be purchased anywhere, really, but I do recommend sticking with glass to avoid filling the room with phthalates. Fill the bottle 3/4 full with filtered water, add either 1/2 tsp of glycerin or 1/2 tsp of rubbing alcohol, and 5-10 drops of whatever essential oil you want to use. Viola–you just made a $10 bottle of room spray for next to nothing! Shake and use as much as you want, knowing you can always make more (if you can’t tell, I’m a huge fan of this option).

The cool thing about using essential oil mists is that the droplets actually pull airborne microbes from the air, cleaning the air you breathe and killing the microbes as they fall to the floor. In a teaching environment, a quick spray to the room between classes could make a huge difference in protecting the air you breathe all day.

Now, on to the next idea for keeping you healthy:

2) Keep your surfaces clean. Mrs. Meyers has a great surface cleaner that is made from essential oils. It will help you with keeping your surfaces clean, without harmful chemicals like those found in chemical cleaners such as Clorox. Plus, it smells pretty good. Remember that the idea is to let it dry on the surfaces. No cleaner works immediately upon contact. It takes a few minutes for any antimicrobial to do its job, so spray & wipe, but don’t wipe it dry.

Note: Homemade sprays work well for this purpose, too, but sprays containing glycerin should never be used on surfaces.

And lastly…

3) Some foods that are particularly associated with being ‘blood cleansing,’ (meaning they kill bacteria/viruses in the blood stream) are raw onion & garlic, cayenne (what Red Hot is made from–not Tabasco) and cinnamon. Obviously, how much you consume of each of these during pregnancy will depend on what you and the baby can handle. At the very least, you can always add a bit of cinnamon to your oatmeal, or– heck, you’re pregnant–whatever else it sounds good with! I also really liked apple-cinnamon tea; it curbs sugar cravings and keeps you healthy.

Citrus is also good for helping to alkalize your blood (making it more basic), which is also helpful because most bacteria/viruses prefer acidic environments. So even by just eating an orange or adding a little lemon to your water, you’re not only boosting your vitamin C intake naturally, but you are also making your blood a less friendly environment for illnesses to thrive. (You can also add baking soda to your bath for an alkalizing effect.)

So there you have it. You are now just a few simple, inexpensive actions from a healthier winter pregnancy! Have fun!

Love,

Jen

Jennifer DeBrito, CCLD, CCBE is a Certified Christian Doula and Birth Educator in Colorado Springs. In addition to coaching parents toward a Christ-centered birth experience, she also specializes in wellness coaching for prenatal and postpartum women and their families. She is the author of Expectant Parents Workshop: Devotional and the owner of Eden’s Promise, LLC.

To learn more about Jennifer, go to www.edenspromisellc.com

Ask The Doula: Treating Anxiety and Depression During Pregnancy

Dear Jen,

I have been taking both 5-HTP and L-lysine for about 6 months as an alternative to conventional meds for anxiety/OCD. Also, low serotonin. They have worked REALLY well with no side effects and I have been thrilled and felt better the past 6 months than I have in a long time. However, based on what I read, I didn’t gather that they were totally safe during pregnancy. We just started trying for a baby this month but obviously I don’t want to continue taking anything that isn’t safe for a newly developing fetus. But I’m nervous to go off of it b/c I don’t want to end the “feeling stable” streak. Do you have thoughts, comments, or concerns involving 5-HTP or L-Lysine during pregnancy?If you had suggestions for safer alternatives, that would be awesome! 

-S

Dear S,

Great question! To be honest, for me to deem 5-HTP and L-lysine”safe” or “unsafe” in pregnancy would be going a bit beyond my scope. Even the FDA refuses to determine that, because testing on fetuses is not OK! So, if you’re used to taking them, but might become pregnant, you might want to slowly make the move to other options.

For the symptoms you mentioned, what I can do is offer some safer ideas of things you can ‘do,’ rather than ‘take.’ Ideally, the goal is to help your body to start producing the ‘feel good hormones’ on its own, and one (or all) of these actions could really help:

1) Vary your exercise. There are only guesses as to why, but changing the way you move your body can have a big effect on changing the way you think and feel. So if you usually do something that is very repetitive (such as running), be sure add activities like dancing and yoga to your exercise regimen, like maybe one of each, once a week.

2) Early morning walks (before or during sunrise) are regarded as the cure to depression in Chinese medicine. Again, who knows why it works, but I imagine it has something to do with increased Serotonin from being out in that particular type of light. (Not to mention it’s beautiful, quiet, smells good, and reminds you of your own place in this amazing world we live in. Remembering our part in the ‘big picture’ can play a huge part in keeping our worries in perspective!)

3) Consider talking to someone. A wise friend once told me that there’s no shame in seeking counseling, because everyone can benefit from it–not just those who have been ‘through’ something. I’ve seen that it’s pretty common for young/expectant moms to really start thinking through their own childhood, and feel pressure from themselves to be the perfect mother for their own children. Talking to a family therapist either alone or with your spouse can really help with figuring out what your real goals should be with regard to raising your family (since nobody can be perfect, obviously).

I’m also a huge fan of SPLANKNA therapy, which is a method of therapy used by real, licensed practitioners that is different from traditional ‘talk therapy.’ It is heavy in the use of prayer for releasing issues that end up stored in the body. As a proponent of the holistic model of health, I can vouch for the validity of SPLANKNA philosophy. And as someone who has received SPLANKNA therapy following the traumatic loss of a loved one, I can also vouch for its efficacy. Taking the focus away from healing yourself, and instead getting you in touch with God to figure out what the deal is–and getting it healed–is absolutely where it’s at, in my opinion. Still, “talk” therapies may also be helpful.

4) Orange, ylang ylang, lavender, and sandalwood essential oils are all helpful for your specific symptoms. I would buy each of them and create the following blend (this can get a little pricey, but it will last you longer than the pre-blends):

5 drops sandalwood (grounding and connecting to higher power); 3 drops ylang ylang (balancing and uplifting); 2 drops lavender (balancing and calming); 4 drops orange (mood enhancing, positivity).

Mix with grapeseed or apricot oil in a small dropper bottle (available at health foods stores) and add a few drops to your wrists (or the bottoms of your feet if you don’t like the smell). Or, if you’re not into mixing your own, I’ve determined that doTerra has high-quality products, many of which are pre-blended roll-on oils designed to be used to treat specific things like anxiety, depression, or even obsessiveness.

5) I’m not qualified to get into homeopathic remedies for this level of cure, but you could also consider seeking out a naturopath (make sure they hold a degree from a school like Bastyr). They could give suggestions after doing a more complete workup on you. It would probably  cost around $100 for the appointment, but I think you could find it very helpful and insightful. And of course, consult your doctor or midwife, as well.

I’m proud of you for reaching out and asking these questions; it’s hard to allow yourself to be vulnerable enough to get the answers you need sometimes. So give yourself a hug from me, because you are on the right track! May you find a cure that you–and your baby–can live with.

Love,

Jen

 

Jennifer DeBrito, CCLD, CCBE is a doula and birth educator in Colorado Springs. She is the author of Expectant Parents Workshop: Devotional and the owner of Eden’s Promise, LLC. In addition to coaching expectant parents toward a Christ-centered childbirth experience, she also specializes in prenatal and postpartum wellness coaching. To learn more about Jennifer, go to www.EdensPromiseLLC.com.

Ask the Doula: Probiotics

Hey, Jen,
What are your thoughts on probiotics? Do you take any as a supplement? Do you have a yogurt you like for you and your kids?

-T

Dear T,
Probiotics are great–not to mention essential during rounds of antibiotics! They’re also helpful during colds and for general stomach upset. My thought is, if in doubt, take some! I actually keep a jar in the fridge for whenever we should need it. The one I bought was from Whole Foods and is called ‘MaxiBaby dophilus,’ but there are lots of options. No one in my family takes it daily, but we most certainly could. (I do, however, cut the serving size way down for the kids, giving them 1/4 to 1/2 of the tiny dose that is recommended for adults.) Probiotics are great for boosting immunity and keeping the digestive tract in great working order. Of course, I have to say this: they are not a substitute for a healthy, fiber-rich diet. You still need to eat right and feed your children well in order to stay healthy.

Yogurt is also an option. I go with Greek yogurt that is low in sugar since neither of my kids are big meat eaters. I don’t feed my 2-year-old a whole one, though. We split it.

Kroger brand has the best nutrition facts and price that I’ve seen so far–especially plain or vanilla flavor. There are other, creamier brands, but they are quite a bit higher in sugar. (I shoot for under 12 grams in any food I eat.) Personally speaking, my absolute minimum requirement when choosing a yogurt–whether it be Greek or regular–would be that it contain no artificial sweeteners, which have questionable effects on the brains of children. If you can afford organic/hormone-free, and it’s also low in sugar, do it!! If not, know that by following the parameters laid out here, you are still making the best choices that you can for your sweet children.

Hope that helps!
Jen

Jennifer DeBrito, CCLD, CCBE is a Holistic Christian Doula in Colorado Springs. She is the author of Expectant Parents Workshop: Devotional and the owner of Eden’s Promise, LLC. In addition to coaching parents toward a Christ-centered childbirth, she also specializes in wellness coaching for prenatal and postpartum families.